Trusting Love

It always amazes me how much better I feel after hearing my husband’s voice.  Until recently this was something I was a bit ashamed of.  After all, I am a self-sufficient woman who did not marry until age 32.  Before that I lived alone, travelled the world, owned my own home, thrived professionally.  Heck, I even said often (and loudly) I would rather live single than compromise on the type of equal partnership I dreamed of.  So wasn’t this a dependent throwback to old societal roles:

Little wifey needs big strong man to make her feel brave enough to face the world.

When I began to date my husband, I was totally swept away by the love we share.  It was unlike anything I had experienced before.  The word “glorious” comes to mind.  It was a connection to something greater, a definite sign that I was a part of something larger than myself.  Everything felt “right”.  But I was certain all that would fade with time.  I’d still love him, of course, and we would still adore one another.  But the connection would surely have to change.

In our first years of marriage, he was gone a lot and I stayed self-sufficient.  We added children to the mix.  He was sometimes home, sometimes gone.  And I was not only self-sufficient, I managed an entire household very well.  But still, hearing his voice whether he was home or gone would give me a sense of connection and grounding that nothing else ever gave me.

Recently as we went through yet another set of changes with him far away, I was speaking with a friend (OK, I admit, I was all but crying into the phone in frustration) about how angry I was that I could be all over the place emotionally and then suddenly hear his voice and all was better.  “Why can’t I get my OWN act together?  Why do I need HIM to get that calm feeling?  I HAVE to find a way to ground myself so that I don’t rely on him!”  My very patient friend said “Is that true?  Do you really think it is a bad thing that he helps you feel that way?  You might want to consider being glad that you have a source that provides you that kind of comfort and peace.”

I grew very quiet (always a sure sign that something meaningful has been said, since I am rarely struck dumb).   It occurred to me that, though what I was experiencing with my husband was absolute love, I was analyzing it from a place of fear.

I was afraid that allowing his voice to soothe me was giving away my power.

But fear always clouds reality.

Once I shifted my perspective a bit, I realized that hearing his voice is simply something observable that occurs during a genuine exchange of love between the two of us.  When I am fully open to that love, a calming peace naturally follows.  None of my personal power is compromised; it is reinvigorated by the purest source of energy there is.

Love.

Allowing pure love to flow over me from a source I trust completely, my amazing husband, is an act of strength.  Being open, allowing, trusting, welcoming that love gives me a greater ability to affect the world than I had when I was single.  That is certainly not to say every woman needs a man.  There are many access points to Pure Love.  And every soul should find what works.  In fact, I’m looking into other avenues myself: nature, my children, anything that touches me deeply.

But This Woman needs and wants That Man.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

So now when I am amazed at my reaction to my husband’s voice, or sometimes his emails, or most especially his comforting presence in my life, I see it as a gift that I embrace fully and use to send additional love out into the world.  For after all, everyone deserves to have a sense of peace, love and joy.  I am just lucky that one source for mine comes in a very handsome package!

Namaste